Dear Editor,

For those readers of this paper who are already billionaires, I congratulate you on a brilliant career choice. Your chances of success are virtually assured. The world will kowtow to your every whim, and you can rest easy on interest accrued by lending pittances to paupers, mere mortals who may only be millionaires. If you wish, you may buy a politician or two, even a whole party, and have them enact legislation to increase your financial advantages. You’ll never have to worry about being poor, because you can’t possibly spend that much money in one lifetime. Billionaires surely make the world go ‘round.

I prefer my life among the thousandaires. We can joke and laugh about what we’d do if we ruled the world, knowing that such control is not our concern. I own trillions of unique snowflakes. They fell out of the sky, onto my magnificent fiefdom and they’re all mine, free of charge. I can bring massive resources to bear, to place them where I want them to be. Sometimes, a wild wind blows them to a different configuration, just to keep me occupied and engaged with life in the slow lane.

Parents, you may wish to encourage your children to take up the position of multi-billionaire, because south of the border they’re having a field day firing thousands of people for doing jobs the non-elected pasty doughboys don’t understand. This mayhem may be coming to a government near you – just vote for the one who tells you that Canada is broken, and it’s all Trudeau’s fault, and Maple MAGA can fix it. Cue the reign of self-congratulatory billionaires.

Robert Wills, Thorne and Shawville