SHELLEY HEAPHY
Hooray, they did it. We did it. They’re in school, loving their teacher, classroom and friends (we hope). We miss them all day long, we think about the fun they’re having, the nervousness they’re experiencing, the learning going on and every single new thing they’re accomplishing. Then the moment comes when we pick them up at school, off the bus or from school daycare and all we want to know is . . .
how it all went down.
Our eagerness is not always met with happiness, most kids are grouchy after school and the last thing they want to do is talk about their day. Grumpy, loud, angry, bossy, irrational, compulsive, tearful, pushy are all words that would describe my kids when they get home from school. I’ve been dealing with the after school meltdowns for a few years so I feel like I’m getting better at running interference, but I’m always looking for more ideas and guidance on how to combat this problem. If you are also, here are some tips I’ve found, some I’ve tried and others that I will try.
So, first off, why are we experiencing this? Well, think about it, our kids go to school with a classroom full of kids and a teacher they admire all day long. School is physically, mentally, socially and emotionally exhausting. They rein in their questions, they wait their turn, they follow the rules, they sit in their desk, they keep tears in, they walk in the hall and on and on and on. When they get home, we are the lucky recipients of pent up emotions, frustration, exhaustion and they let it all out. I’ve read they act this way because they know they are safe at home, in their environment with their family. They know we will still love them for it and help them to cope with their frustrations. They can just let it loose.
This makes complete sense to me. When you get home from a long day at work do you feel like answering questions? Probably not and they probably feel the same way. When my daughter first got home from school I would bombard her with every single question I had (who did you play with, what did you do, did you have circle time, what songs did you sing, books/read …) and she would just look at me and say nothing. One of my daughters dreams of her tidy cozy room, on the way home from the bus she often says “I’ve missed my room today”, and that’s where she goes the minute she gets home. I’ve definitely learned to calm down on the questions and to wait a little bit before asking, along with that tip though, here are some others to try:
- Instead of asking the million and one questions, welcome them home. Give them the choice to talk about their day then or at supper time, or before bed. This gives them time to digest their day and the power to decide when to talk.
- Ask open-ended questions to get more information about their day, avoid yes or no answers. Examples, who made you smile today? What did you eat for lunch? Tell me something you learned about a friend today (so many great, funny questions on parent.co). I’ve implemented a five finger rule, especially with my son who tells me nothing. He has to tell me five things about his day. When he’s really stuck I give him prompts – tell me one thing about outside, tell me one thing about calendar time etc.
- Feed them — sugars are at a low. Choose healthy snacks that will energize them, fruit, veggies, cheese, yogurt, nuts and water are great choices.
- Allow for downtime. Give them the time to play. Perhaps your child needs to move, or needs quiet time with a book, or can unwind building with Legos. Whatever works for them, set it up. Kids have little to no play time during their school day so most importantly let them have a bit of free time to do what they want.
- Provide kids with some sort of physical activity after school such as gymnastics, going for a walk, a quick game of soccer or going for a bike ride. These help balance the mind and body.
- Homework can wait. Allow children a brain break. Chances are the results of homework done after a break will be better.
- Be consistent with rules and routines. Kids are happiest when they know what is expected of them and whatever your expectations are at home should not change because your child is tired. My child would come home and yell, scream and kick at her sister. This behaviour has never been tolerated and I didn’t change that because of her exhaustion. Instead I got better at giving her the down time and space she needed before expecting her to jump into normal activities with her siblings.
- Connect and reflect — try and find a few minutes along with your school aged child just to bond with them. Be present. Put away screens, the phone and anything else distracting you and be there to listen to them. This might be the moment that they choose to share important tidbits, but don’t grill them, let them choose how to spend this time. It’s a great way to fill yours and their love tank back up!
Check out the blog dirtandboogers.com for more information on these great tips.
Good luck to all us parents out there trying to walk the line between giving our kids the independence school provides and knowing enough information so we can breathe a sigh of relief.
