SHELLEY HEAPHY
A few things have been constant in my life during this parenting journey that I happily embarked on nine years ago. Some of those constants include sleepless nights, laundry, growing kiddos and by far the worst one, the fear of being judged.
I can remember it started before I even gave birth. It started with . . .
my diet and drinking coffee — would people think I was ingesting too much caffeine?
I was asked multiple times if I was having multiple babies (boy did the man who asked if I was having triplets get the meanest glare). Was I putting on too much weight? My wonderful doctor warned me, “Shelley now that you’re pregnant the opinions and suggestions from others are going to come at you like rapid fire.”
The worry about what others thought continued when my babies were born with decisions like nursing vs. formula, cloth vs. disposable diapers, daycare vs. taking a leave from my job. Boy was my doctor right. The opinions continue to come at me and probably won’t ever stop.
During this pandemic though, I’ve found a motto to live by, “You do you.” I honestly have grabbed onto this saying and remind myself of it all the time. It has become my mantra. Isn’t it true?
If we were able to do what we needed for our family, without the fear of being judged, wouldn’t we just jump in to our decision? Maybe some of you do, I unfortunately, often consider how my decision makes me look and what others are going to think. I wish I cared less about what those around me think. If we used this mantra, less people would feel worried about meeting the public’s standards. Less people would feel the stress of doing what everyone else thought was important and focus on what they think is important. We might just be able to go about our business without being ashamed to talk about our choices out loud. Try it on, “You do you.” See how it makes you feel. Believing it is still a work in progress for me, but I’m trying, and I’m hopeful it’ll make a difference for me.
Everyone has a different level of comfort when facing COVID-19, which is not unlike parenting in general. So often we take our opinion and believe it to be best for everyone, in the process of that belief we alienate those around us who may see things differently than us.
This applies to literally every decision we make as parents. Everyone has an opinion and most aren’t afraid to share it. This happened when people started opening up their bubble after quarantine and will continue to divide us when September arrives and children go back, or don’t go back to school.
I believe that everyone is having doubts, no matter what route they’ve chosen. Each and every one of us lives a difference scenario, the choice (sometimes very hard to make) we make is what best suits and fits our family, our children.
It is sometimes not even a choice and simply the only thing possible for our family. In those cases especially, hearing people bash options is really tough. I think right now, it’s important to remember and remind your neighbours that everyone just needs to remember “You do you.”
You should not make a decision and fear what others will think of you, there is so much stress and worry associated with this pandemic and life in general that it would be nice to have each other as allies instead of enemies.
I’ve been trying really hard to encourage my friends and neighbors with their choices, reminding them that I’m here to listen or talk to if they need to. I’m also wanting to tell each and every one of you facing these heart wrenching decisions that you are doing what you have to for your family.
