For a lot of families the month of September is filled with new routines, challenges and very busy lives. This can be due to the return to school or the beginning of daycare. This month has all the feel of new beginnings and exciting new adventures.
September brings with it some exhausted family members though, children but also their tired parents. I always write this article in September as a reminder to myself, all parents out there who’ve been down this road before and . . .
parents with kids who have just started school. It serves to remind us to take it easy on our children after their long days of school or daycare and how to interact with them to create the least friction.
So, why are we experiencing this? Well, think about it, our kids go to school with a classroom full of kids and a teacher directing them what to do all day long. School is physically, mentally, socially and emotionally exhausting for our kids. They reign in their questions, wait their turn, follow the rules, sit at their desk, they keep tears in, walk in the hall, sometimes feel lost among the large groups of children and on and on and on.
When they get home, we are the lucky recipients of pent up emotions, frustration and exhaustion and they let it all out. I’ve read they act this way because they know they are safe at home, in their environment with their family. They know we will still love them for it and help them to cope with their frustrations. They can just let it loose. This makes complete sense to me, when you get home from a long day at work do you feel like answering questions? Probably not, and they probably feel the same way.
When my daughter first got home from school I would literally bombard her with every single question I had (who did you play with, what did you do, did you have circle time, what songs did you sing, books/read?) and she would literally just look at me and say nothing.
Each of my children handles coming home from school differently. One of them is happy to have a snack and chat, one rushes to her room for about half an hour and the other one heads outside to play. I’ve definitely learned to calm down on the questions and to wait a little bit before asking because when they get home I don’t get a lot of answers. Along with that tip though, here are some others to try:
- Instead of asking the million and one questions, welcome them home. Give them the choice to talk about their day then or at supper time, or before bed. This gives them time to digest their day and the power to decide when to talk.
- Ask open-ended questions to get more information about their day, avoid yes or no answers. Examples — who made you smile today? What did you eat for lunch? Tell me something you learned about a friend today (so many great, funny questions on parent.com).
- Feed them — sugars are at a low. Choose healthy snacks that will energize them such as fruit, veggies, cheese, yogurt, nuts and water are great choices.
- Allow for downtime. Give them the time to play. Perhaps your child needs to move, or needs quiet time with a book, or can unwind building with Lego. Whatever works for them, set it up. Kids have little to no play time during their school day (in older grades) so most importantly let them have a bit of free time to do what they want.
- Provide kids with some sort of physical activity after school such as gymnastics, going for a walk, a quick game of soccer or going for a bike ride. These help balance the mind and body.
- Homework can wait. Allow children a brain break, chances are the results of homework done after a break will be better.
- Be consistent with rules and routines. Kids are happiest when they know what is expected of them and whatever your expectations are at home should not change because your child is tired. My child would come home and yell, scream and kick at her sister. This behaviour has never been tolerated and I didn’t change that because of her exhaustion. Instead I got better at giving her the down time and space she needed before expecting her to jump into normal activities with her siblings.
- Connect and reflect. Try and find a few minutes alone with your school-aged child just to bond with them. Be present — put away screens, the phone and anything else that is distracting you and be there to listen to them. This might be the moment they choose to share important tidbits, but don’t grill them, let them choose how to spend this time. It’s a great way to fill yours and their love tank back up.
Check out the blog dirt and boogers.com for more information on these great tips.
Good luck to all us parents out there trying to walk the line between giving our kids the independence school provides and knowing enough information so we can breathe a sigh of relief.
