The first thing I tell a mom who is expecting a baby or a mom with a new baby is that she’s doing an amazing job. I also share the best advice I was given as a new mom (Thanks Dr. M).
Lots of people are going to give you their advice, lots of people think they know everything and that their way is the best way – just get used to nodding and smiling or telling them thanks but no thanks.
You get to do things your way and when you want advice or help ask those you trust, reach out. I found with a new baby that everywhere I went someone had advice for me. I often went home worried and insecure that I wasn’t doing the right thing.
Now, seven years later I would say I’ve grown in my skin as a mom but honestly guilt continues to eat away at me often and regularly over pretty much everything. However, other times I’m very confident in my decisions as a mom, so there has definitely been progress along this journey of motherhood.

Mommy guilt is the one accessory that no mother is ever without. Mommy guilt is feeling shame over all sorts of things in your parenting self. It ranges from feeling guilt over formula vs. breast milk, the kind of diapers you use, the food you feed your child, the amount of time you get to spend with them, the school you send them to, the activities you put them in, the time you spend on yourself, etc. Really this list never ends. I would even hazard a guess that when your children are adults you still feel guilt about how you raised them, what you could and couldn’t give them, the relationship you had and have.
As parents you always question what you’re doing and can be oh so hard on yourself. I wish I was built like my husband, (do dad’s have it easier or is it just him?) No matter what we’re discussing, he’s there reminding me that we’re in it together and that whatever comes our way we will handle. (Why doesn’t my brain work that way?) He’s just so positive about it and sure we’re doing the right thing, and I’m not. It’s reassuring knowing we’ve got each other, but it doesn’t take away that fear of the unknown which pops up in my head incessantly.
Over the past seven years I’ve tried so hard to tell myself, “you’re doing the best you can”, “it’s fine, stop worrying, they’re great” and on and on. I’ve read lots of articles about mommy guilt, and lots of ways to banish it, but truth be told I don’t actually think it’s possible. I loved one woman’s perspective best because it fit me!
Instead of trying to get rid of mommy guilt her take was to embrace it. I don’t love the self-doubt in me and my parenting tactics, but I’ve been trying to tell myself that it shows how much I care about my children and their lives.
Questioning what I’m doing is me trying to figure out how to do the best thing for each of them. That’s how I’ve chosen to deal with this mommy guilt I carry around on my shoulders because well it feels like less of a burden that way.
Doing the best you can do is what’s most important. If you’re doing that and you don’t stress about every decision – hats off to you. We’re all built and shaped so differently that what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for the next and embracing what works best for you is key.
I hope this article finds someone who is experiencing self-doubt or guilt and reminds them that really and truly we are all in it together – we’re all struggling in our own ways. We go about our day nodding and smiling (if we’re lucky) but when we have a moment to stop and think all the insecurities, fears, worries are still there facing us in the eye.
Just remember momma, you’re doing your best and your kids are lucky to have you. And hey, when you see another momma maybe give her a shout out on how well she’s doing as well!