By Shelley Heaphy
“Just remember to fill your own cup because you can’t share with people if your cup is empty.”
I recently saw this quote shared on social media, and thought to myself how absolutely true it is. So many of us often forget to take care of ourselves and our own needs, putting them aside to complete the hundreds of other things that creep up on us daily. There’s a huge push in today’s society to do more, to always be busy, to always be available, to always be helping. It is exhausting.
Before having kids, I had all the free time in the world – and I had no idea. I worked out at the gym whenever I felt like it, popped into the mall to check out new seasons of clothing, read books (plural – each week), went for dinner with my husband, took in cheap night at the theatre often, took a relaxing bath every night, met with girlfriends for coffee, enjoyed runs outdoors whenever I felt like it and on and on.
My life was truly mine. I didn’t have to ask permission, arrange a sitter, take turns with my spouse or make sure I was covered. Once children came into the mix, all of that changed.
It happens overnight, you think only of your new bundle, your children become your everything. It’s as though they can’t possibly survive without you. It took me a long time to be able to even leave her alone with my husband. It was as though I thought she would self-destruct without me (oh, how silly).
The thing is, every single person runs out of steam at some point. We may not even realize it. You start to have less patience, less smiles, you may feel more frustrated, you may be more frazzled, perhaps you just end up caring a little bit less.
This is what happens if you’re not taking care of yourself. Self-care is just as important as caring for the rest of your family. Filling your cup, as it is, is even more important than all the other things you do – because once you’re taken care of you have more to give. The question is how can you make that happen with children, jobs, commitments, and all the rest?
For me it was living close to our support system (our parents). It enabled me to have someone (our parents) to count on when I needed help. And boy did it make a difference. It was much more doable to commit to a weekly sport or to join a committee or to go for a run with a friend, all things I enjoyed doing for me.
Having family around and available to help us allowed me to be able to have time to myself to “fill my cup”, which I believe has made me a better mother and spouse. For others you may rely on a babysitter, a neighbour, trading nights with a friend, your spouse or naptime. Whatever it is, you can make it happen.
When time away is tight, and you’re simply not sure how to fill your own cup have a look at these five simple suggestions:
1. Find and make the time – Me time. Some days I know you think there just isn’t enough time. I hear you. But try to carve out even 10 minutes for a hot shower, a 25 minute workout, a few chapters, a run or walk before everyone wakes up.
2. Pursue your passion – There are so many talented people creating things and turning it into a business. If your passion is sewing – do it. If you love to garden – do it. If you’re a runner – do it. You’ve got to find a way to let in what makes you happy, everyone will thank you for it because being happy is important.
3. Get moving – Okay, so when you have a moment to yourself you may not jump at well, jumping. But honestly, exercising releases endorphins and is good for your body and your soul. It’s amazing how much better you feel when you’ve worked out. Do what you enjoy; walk, run, play a sport, join a group class, go on a nature walk, whatever it is just do it. Once you work something into your daily schedule it feels weird to skip it, which will help you stay committed to that time for you.
4. Help others – Maybe carving out some time to help a friend, or to volunteer on a committee or to help out with a cause that is meaningful to you would help fill your cup.
5. Get outside – Literally take some time outside to breathe in the fresh air and soak up some vitamin D. It can really help recharge your soul. Sit on a porch swing, listen to the rain falling and soak up the sun! Just take a little bit of time to stop and breathe.
However you choose to fill your cup, I sure hope it helps you to feel like a new you.
Each and every time I attend my pound class, do a workout while my son naps, get outside for a run, read in a hot bath or head to a committee meeting I feel like I’m doing something for me and that helps me to do the hundreds of things I do that isn’t for me.
