Is my child delayed? Developing on curve? Should I be worried? Around this time ten years ago, we were anticipating the arrival of our first baby, just months away. I often think back to those moments before our lives were changed and we became a family. I had no idea how much more fulfilling our lives would become with the arrival of our first child.

The instant we found out, we were . . .

overcome with happiness and excitement, starting a family was by far our most important wish at the time. Soon after many other feelings took over. Fear, uncertainty, doubt and anxiety were overwhelming and all-consuming. I have to admit, I’m not the most relaxed person in day to day life so preparing for our lives to completely change was a bit scary.

Through the months of preparation I was so lucky to have a husband and family who were very good at reassuring me. That certainly helped me calm down and enjoy the experience of growing a tiny treasure. I had so many questions. Before I knew it though, ready or not, the almost 10 months were up and our first daughter had arrived.

I learned a lot with our first baby, the most important being flexibility. I had so many thoughts and plans that simply didn’t work out. I had to cope with those losses and move on. Along with that, here are some more that helped me get through the scary unknowns of bringing home a baby. Some of these are things I learned later on after having more than one baby. If even one of these tips help even one nervous, worried new mom consider me happy.

1. One day at a time. It’s true, if today’s not the greatest,tomorrow is a new slate. The baby might sleep more, might be happier …
2. Take help when it’s offered, in the form of meals, help with laundry, bouncing baby, getting your groceries, cleaning your house.
3. Take care of you. You are recovering from an emotional and physical feat. You are amazing. Drink lots of water, eat lots of good food and try to keep the exercising and moving to a minimum.
4. Order take-out. If you’re exhausted and have nothing to eat. Don’t worry about cooking right away.
5. Sleep when the baby sleeps. I can’t tell you how many times experienced moms told me this. I didn’t always listen but what we say is true the laundry can wait, the dishes can pile up and take out is there for these days. I promise it’ll get done in good time.
6. Try different things. Some babies might like to be bounced, some babies might like the carrier, some babies like noise (when I turned my hairdryer on the baby fell asleep), some babies like quiet, some babies like moving in the swing, some babies like walks in the stroller. It is trial and error until you find what the baby likes but you will find it, don’t worry.
7. Let dad help. Mom and baby bonding is essential of course, but so is dad and baby. If you’re like me you feel like the baby won’t survive unless she’s with you at all times. You want to hear her breathing, feel her moves and smell her scent. I promise you your baby will be fine if dad has her, or grandma or grandpa or auntie. You need to look after you too, so when possible pass baby over to someone you trust and take a nap. You’ll appreciate baby so much more if you have a bit of energy in you.
8. Be flexible. We all have plans, hope and aspirations for how things will go when you have a baby. An idea of what’s perfect and how you’re going to do things. Well, I hate to break it to you but that little being you brought home may have something to say about that. And that’s okay. That’s life with a baby. You can’t control all and some of us might hate that but it’s reality.
9. If you need help seek it. I didn’t have a lot of friends with babies when I had baby number one. I didn’t really know who to turn to for help (other than my awesome mom). Here are a few options, make an appointment with doctor, CLSC nurse (they do a home visit but you can also call and they may be able to come sooner if needed). With nursing as this is often a learning curve for new moms, you can find organizations that help. The Internet can find the ones nearest you, or your doctor may have this information. You can join playgroups to get to know moms in your area (which are sparse with COVID but there are on line forums where you can find other new moms). Talk, talk, talk. So many new moms are experiencing the same things as you and it’ll feel better talking about the things worrying, bothering orscaring you.
10. Stages. Some days are so hard you wonder how you will make it through. Remember that babies grow out of stages so quickly. Our first baby literally cried for the first six months and when I look back at pictures the bags under my eyes had bags. She only rested if she was in the carrier and moving. I thought I would never survive — in the moment it feels long and hard, but I promise you before you know it they grow a bit more. They start to be comfortable sitting up or on their own. It is so true what they say, it feels like a blink passes and they’ve grown. Try and slow time down by enjoying even the hard moments with your new baby, they will soon be a memory and an obstacle you overcame.
11. Fed is best. It took me a long time to let those words sink in. I had three babies and nursing worked for one baby, and half a year for a second baby, but I tried my hardest with all three. I felt like such a failure as a woman and mother when it just wouldn’t work the way it was supposed to for me. Years later, when I had more experience as a mom I realized that this statement is true — fed is best. It helped me make piece with the guilt that I had held on to for years. In case you need to hear this, remember fed is best.
12. It literally is the most magical feeling in the world when your presence, scent or shadow makes your little being stop crying. You truly are your baby’s everything and nothing in this world can top that. Try to enjoy the moments holding baby, staring at baby and marveling at your creation — you did it.

At the end of the day, you’re a mommy now. You’re loved more than you know by someone that can’t even express that for years to come. You light up their world, they recognize your voice, scent and shadow. You are their world. It won’t be easy but it does get easier. You are not alone in feeling nervous, scared, thrilled, ecstatic and tired. We moms are here for help.