by Shelley Heaphy

Around this time, eight years ago I began maternity leave for my first born. I can remember the emotions running through my body, fear, love, excitement, joy, uncertainty, as well as a whole host of others I couldn’t even explain. We were so excited to share our lives with our baby that each day dragged on and on until she arrived almost a month later – a week overdue.

I went back and forth from impatience to anxiety and questions of “are we ready for this?” Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the monumental change she brought to our lives.

Now that our children are growing, I look back at those days in awe. A friend who just brought home a new baby said something very striking – “too bad we can’t experience the calmness we feel with a fourth baby when we have our first.”

I have yet to meet anyone with a new baby who is relaxed about all the new experiences. It’s just part of the territory to worry and ask questions.

Here are some tips that helped me get through the scary unknowns. Some of these are things I learned later on after having more than one baby so if these tips help even one nervous, worried new mom consider me happy:

1. One day at a time — It’s true. If today is not the greatest, tomorrow is a new slate. The baby might sleep more, might be happier, you may get a shower, you may get to feel the sunshine on your skin …
2. Take help when it’s offered, in the form of meals, help with laundry, cleaning your house, keeping you company or allowing you to leave for a short trip to the grocery store. Every little bit counts. You are not and do not need to be a superhero.
3. Take care of you — You are recovering from an emotional and physical feat. You are amazing. Drink lots of water, eat lots of good food, and try to keep the exercising and moving to a minimum.
4. Order take-out — If you’re exhausted and have nothing to eat – order out! Don’t worry about cooking right away.
5. Sleep when the baby sleeps — I can’t tell you how many times experienced moms told me this. I didn’t always listen, but what we say is true. The laundry can wait, the dishes can pile up and take out is there for these days. I promise it’ll get done in good time. Rest when baby rests it’ll help you feel normal faster.
6. Try different things — Some babies might like to be bounced, some might like the carrier, some like noise (when I turned on my hairdryer baby #1 stopped crying and fell asleep). Some babies like quiet, some like moving in the swing or walks in the stroller. It is trial and error until you find what baby likes but you will find it. Don’t worry.
7. Let dad help — Mom and baby bonding is essential of course but so is dad and baby. If you’re like me you feel like the baby won’t survive unless she’s with you at all times. You want to hear her breathing, feel her moves and smell her scent. I promise you, your baby will be fine if dad has her, or grandma or grandpa or auntie. You need to look after you too. So when possible pass baby over to someone you trust and take a nap. You’ll appreciate your baby so much more if you have a bit of energy in you!
8. Be flexible — We all have plans, hopes and aspirations of how things will go when you have baby. An idea of what’s perfect and how you’re going to do things. Well, I hate to break it to you but that little being you brought home may have something to say about that. And that’s okay. That’s life with a baby. You can’t control all. Some of us might hate that but it’s reality.
9. If you need help – seek it — I didn’t have a lot of friends with babies when I had baby #1. I didn’t really know who to turn to for help (other than my awesome mom). Here are a few options:

   Make an appointment with doctor, CLSC nurse (they do a home visit but you can also call and they may be able to come sooner if needed). With nursing as this is often a learning curve for new moms, you can find organizations that help. The internet can find the ones nearest you or your doctor may have this information also. You can join playgroups to get to know moms in your area. Talk, talk, talk. So many new moms are experiencing the same things as you and it’ll feel better talking about the things worrying you.

   At the end of the day, you’re a mommy now. You’re loved more than you know by someone that can’t even express that for years to come. You light up their world, they recognize your voice, scent and shadow. You are their world. It won’t always be easy but it does get easier. You are not alone in feeling nervous, scared, thrilled, ecstatic and tired. We moms are here for help.