This week’s article is on a topic I’ve started researching for my own family and I thought it made sense to share it as I’m sure I’m not the only one with a competitive child who hates losing.

We play a lot in our house and always have. Most people who know me would probably agree that I’m not super competitive (okay I have been known to throw the Monopoly board and I’m definitely competitive when I play games with my husband.) But I often opt to be more . . .

of a cheerleader for all those playing, caring less about winning, my motto during sports is to just have fun. This is repeated on and on and on in our home.

I don’t reward winning. When kids come home with a good mark or having won something I always turn it back and ask are you proud of yourself? Did you try your hardest? Did you have fun? Even with having done all the leg work in trying to help my children handle the emotions of losing, none of it has worked. She cares most about winning. She equates winning with being the best and hard work. It is very difficult to get her to change her mind when she is losing at something and really as she gets older it’s becoming a problem. So I took to researching. Here are some tips I’ve found that I’m hoping I can put into place to help.

1. Practice losing — When playing family games don’t let the kids win. Make them ride down the snake in snakes and ladders, make them pick up two in Crazy Eights and talk about how it feels to lose. I always ask what difference does it make if you win or lose? It’s hard to answer since there is no difference.
2. Explain chance – Talk about how winning sometimes is due to skill, sometimes due to luck or chance, and sometimes both. A saying like, “That’s the way the cookie crumbles,” can help them remember not to take failure or success to heart because sometimes its just chance.
3. Model good sportsmanship – The times I threw the Monopoly board were pre-kids. Now I try really hard to use sentences like “I know I feel sad about losing right now but it’ll go away soon.”
4. Emphasize the positive — Instead of focusing on winning, focus on what they enjoy about a game and how they can improve and what they do well.
5. Acknowledge empathy – With sports focus on empathy and effort. Congratulate them when they are able to acknowledge someone else’s effort or winning, especially because it was probably hard for them. Every time they handle losing well make sure to acknowledge it.
6. Be a calm down coach – Okay this one I do a lot. I try to help my child calm down by reminding her to count to 10 and take a deep breath. I always offer to listen to her if she wants to talk about how she is feeling. Sometimes this helps her in the moment, other times she needs longer. She usually does leave and come back feeling better.

For now, we keep reminding her about appropriate ways to react when she is losing at a game. We remind her about which behaviours are not tolerated when we play games and alternative ways to handle the loss. It isn’t easy, but we aren’t giving up. The one thing we know about her, without a doubt is that she gives everything she does her all.