Siblings

Coming from a family of four girls, I know what it’s like to have siblings. I remember the fights, the laughs, the hugs, the punches, the screaming, the crying and most of all, the making up.
I come from a family that believes strongly in the importance of family (thank God) and we grew up with this as the motto in our house. We have never stopped hearing “someday she’ll be your best friend.” We rarely fight now that we’re adults (much to my parents’ delight) and truly are there for each other for every single event in each others’ lives. I am forever grateful to have been born into our family.
Now, that doesn’t mean it was easy for my parents, and it certainly isn’t easy for us either. Raising siblings is hard work. How do you allow each of them to be themselves, while still co-existing together? How do you ensure they follow their hearts while not hurting the others feelings? How do we let them pursue their interests even if it means the others have to tag along?

We have a tough job making sure each child individually feels love and respect as well as teaching them to take turns, share and co-operate and that includes sharing our time.
I came across some pretty basic yet important tips that may help us secure the bond we desperately want our children to create with one another, have a look (http://www.pbs.org/parents/supersisters/archives/2010/09/5-tips-for-cultivating-sibling.html).
1. Create opportunities for your children to help each other. Kids helping each other allows them to appreciate each other and teaches them to care for others. Older siblings can help with getting their younger sibling a drink or reading them a story, while younger siblings can help older siblings bring their laundry to the laundry room or help them tidy up their rooms. Make sure not to only have older siblings helping younger siblings so that resentment doesn’t set in.
2. Let them play games together. Recently, a mom of four was telling me how happy it makes her when her children are engaging in play together. She went on to mention that often they make a complete disaster in her house and they make a ton of noise but the laughs they have and the smiles they wear are so absolutely worth it. What they’re creating together, taking turns with what games to play, using imaginations, building on each other’s ideas, cooperating, these are all very important skills we simply can’t afford to interfere with. These moments will help them develop a bond as siblings so let them create.
3. Respect is a deal breaker. We taught our kids the word respect from the very beginning. In our family respect for each of us means no name calling and respecting each other’s bodies (no hitting, pushing, etc.). If you aren’t being respectful not only do you need to apologize, you also have to do something kind for that person. Respecting each other also encompasses important life long lessons; such as respecting each other’s point of view and listening to each other’s explanations. Sometimes it helps to have them look each other in the eye. Honestly, there are a ton of fights daily in our home, some I keep my nose out of, others I guide them in figuring out how to come to a compromise and other times I simply send them all to their room for time alone. However you deal with issues in your home just try and keep respect at the forefront. It’ll rub off on them.
4. Shake up the friendships. When there are more than two siblings, the issue of someone being left out is bound to come up. In our house, with three kids, sometimes two side against the one. If there’s one side that needs to connect try and do something alone with them. Bring them to the park together, out for lunch, play a game with them, give them an opportunity to bond and help build their relationship. You can also mix up the relationships periodically. This does not just mean relationships needing a boost but can mean alternating between all the siblings. It’s important for each sibling to feel respected and a part of the family. We have a rule in our house now, we aren’t allowed to ask each other who our favourite is, we’ve explained there’s no way for that question to be answered kindly as someone’s always affected. It’s working for now, but who knows for how long.
5. Invite and record acts of kindness. Undoubtedly there are numerous acts of kindness happening between siblings regularly. We don’t always hear or notice them so try and focus in on acts of kindness happening daily. Recognize them, highlight them and congratulate them. We don’t always need to tell kids how proud we are of them, but it doesn’t hurt once in a while. If you aren’t seeing a lot of kindness and helping each other happening in your home you could try to start an Act of Kindness list in your home. Children and adults alike can write down any acts of kindness they witness or are part of and as a family you can recognize all the good happening in your family!
These are some great tips that hopefully can help your children’s relationships flourish! There will definitely be some hard times along the way (I remember some very creative strategies my parents tried with us to get us to get along) but hopefully in the end you’ll have children who respect and rely on one another. Hang on parents, it’s a bumpy ride.